I could write a book about the last 12 months, but something I have noticed between having Nolan and having Max + Maeve is that the moment most people see or hear “TWINS!!!” several questions start falling out of their mouths regardless of how well we know them. SO here are some of the most FAQs I hear and my answers.
DO TWINS RUN IN YOUR FAMILY?
ANSWER: YES! My mom has twin brothers (pictured above holding my twins!!!) – my grandmother had my mom, two boys and then her fourth pregnancy was twin boys. My grandfather had a massive heart attack and died when the twins were only 5-years-old and in the blink of an eye she was a single mother of FIVE. When I think I am knee deep in the depths of darkness, snotty noses and dirty diapers, I think of her and my reality becomes instantly less stressful by comparison! There were also some other twins in the family tree on my mom’s side of the family. Twin truth: identical twins are always the same gender because they develop from a single fertilized egg that contains either boy or girl chromosomes that splits into two. Fraternal twins are two separate fertilized eggs and can be girl/boy (50% chance) girl/girl (25% chance) or boy/boy (25% chance). HOWEVER, ALL TWINS are natural no matter how they came into this world – one of my girlfriends who has twins loves telling people who ask her if they are “natural” (aka, did you do fertility?!?) that yes, unless they are actually aliens and not humans, they are natural. They are also two separate, unique individuals who happen to share a very special bond.
WHAT WAS THE MOMENT YOU FOUND OUT LIKE?
ANSWER: Surreal. Honestly, I’m pretty sure not that the fact that I grew two babies inside my body at one time will always be surreal. To paint the scene for others who love details, I headed to my 10 am appointment alone… second pregnancy, middle of the day, quick in and out and ON with the work week – surely it was not worth having my husband drive 25 minutes each way from work for this (irony)… We have told this story a couple (sarcasm) of times, and at this point Miller chimes in to notify all parties that he tried VERY hard to convince me he should come and he just KNEW he should have come, to which I respond by asking him if he thinks the outcome might have been different had he been present?! HA! Anyways, I waltz in with the typical first appointment nerves and the (in retrospect) atypical nausea and fatigue, climb up onto the examination table, pull up my shirt to allow my stomach to be coated with a generous pile of cold jelly (yickkk), watch the ultrasound technician place the wand on my stomach, and INSTANTLY notice not one, but two circles floating around a dark sea of fuzziness. Before the tech could say or do anything, I said, “Do I see two?” and she said, “Yup! You really must know what you are looking at. Congratulations, you are having twins!” And I threw my arm over my forehead and most likely (the next few minutes are a little fuzzy) said, “OH MY GOD! I LITERALLY CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!!” And went on to try to explain that while I understood that the chances of having twins was something like 1%, what were the chances that one of my absolutely best friends in the entire universe who lives two miles away was also a few months pregnant with twins?!?!?! The tech was less than impressed/interested and was much more concerned about how my husband would react (SMH). Not surprisingly, when I stepped into the hall to call Miller and asked him, “Hi! Everything is great, but are you sitting down?” to which he responded, “You’re joking.” because he read between the lines before I made it official with, “Nope! Not kidding! Dead serious. There are two of them in there! Fraternal twins!” And his first reaction was (as mentioned above), “Damnit! I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE COME!” And I laughed and he said “Well, I always said I wanted twins” (exact words) and I said, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, we will see if you change your tune by this time next year!”. It was SO much fun telling our friends and family and seeing the look of shock spread across their faces!
HOW WAS LABOR AND DELIVERY DIFFERENT WITH ONE vs. TWO BABIES?
ANSWER: This is a loaded question that could easily send my detailed, long-winded tendencies into a the play by play of my birth story, but I will hit you with the highlights instead: it was VERY different for me. They both started almost the exact same way with very mild contractions in the afternoon that began to pick up regularity and instructions from my doctor to go ahead and head to hospital because it sounded like I was indeed in labor, checking into triage and finding out I was indeed having contractions and was now 3 centimeters dilated (I was zero centimeters at my previous appointments with both) and I was being admitted so Miller could go back out to the car and get our bags! From there, things go differently because Nolan was a vaginal delivery and a singleton and Max and Maeve were both perfectly breech, sitting Indian-style on my cervix, so they were delivered by C-section. End result of each method: healthy babies in my arms.
HOW DO YOU DO IT?
ANSWER: Oh gosh there are so many ways I go with this and it depends on how on top of my game I am when the person asks BUT my go to responses… It actually takes a village and I have so many amazing members of my circle who help me more than they will ever know INCLUDING a rockstar husband who is an incredible partner/co-captain of our little team and talks me off the ledge several times a week (or day?!). I do think we both happen to be pretty positive people in general and that translates really well into parenthood because we make a conscious effort to keep things in perspective as much as possible! We also shamelessly leverage out ANYTHING and EVERYTHING we can in order to make our lives easier because we realized that during this season of life, we just cannot do it all and remain sane, so if we need to spend some money on a newborn night nurse, grocery delivery, a cleaning service, AmazonPrime everything, childcare, etc etc etc, we will build in those expenses until we can take back some of those tasks! AND finally, what other choice do we have?!? And I don’t mean to sound snarky, but that really is the truth and I do mean to sound cliché when I say we would NOT have it ANY OTHER way!!!